I weigh 78kg (roughly 180lbs), and I ride 24 spoke wheels on gravel and road, 32 on my XC rig. And for those that know me, I am not gentle.
I recommend a 2-cross pattern. With the choice to build a wheel, your rim and hub options are wide open. Many quality hubs to choose from, if you prefer the Shimano Centerlock interface your options will be decreased from a 6-bolt interface. But, whichever disc interface you prefer, there are plenty of good options. Rims are also plentiful, aluminum is the most straightforward to integrate to the build, but carbon will significantly lighten the build, and offer a stronger wheel of built right. For the sporks and nipples, no question IMHO you should use DT Swiss brass nipples and DT Swiss Aero Comp (they’re bladed, the aero advantage is minimal but they are strong).
I’ll second that the specialized tools can be pricey. A dish tool is nice to have, but can be homemade (internet can tell you how). A stand is great and very useful, a bike frame can suffice. A proper nipple spanner is critical- spend the money on the DT Swiss tool. There is no better option. A tensiometer is for next level spoke tensioning, but can be pricey, the Park Tool version works well, you just have to do some conversions, the DT Swiss tool with dials is north of $1k, and not necessary.
Good luck, you’ve gotten a lot of good advice here. One last piece, I think Bill Mould is still at Spokes, Etc., on Quaker Lane in Alexandria. If he is, go see him, he is one of the top 5 wheel builders in the United States. Or better yet, take his class, it’s worth every penny.
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