Finding life balance with cycling.

Our Community Forums General Discussion Finding life balance with cycling.

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  • #911501
    Dirt
    Participant

    One of the comments I get a lot about cycling is something to the effect of, “I wish I could ride more, but I just don’t have time because of family, work, home, etc.” The reasons are different for all of us, but I think most of us have one form or another of this feeling. I average over 300 miles per week over the course of the year and I’d still like it to be more.

    There are times that I’ve done more… quite a bit more, in fact, but I’ve always found that what I give up tends to throw everything out of kilter a bit and I adjust back to my norm.

    Obviously my balance is very different from most cyclists. This time of year, I am literally spending more than 1 day per week on the bike. That difference in balance often causes problems with and for riding buddies. Though I’ve got my balance, I’ve had many spouses or significant others of cycling friends get extremely angry with me because the time I devote to cycling has contributed to throwing off the balance of their family. I’ve been called a home-wrecker and lost friends over this. I’ve also had extremely positive reactions from spouses/significant others. “So-and-so is very happy when they come back from a ride. Thanks for including him/her in your rides.”

    What’s the difference? Balance. :D

    Here are my questions:
    1) Do you have a sense of balance with fitting cycling into your life?
    b) If so, how does it all fit in for you? What have you given up to achieve balance?
    6) If not, What can you do to adjust and make things a bit more manageable?

    Personally I’ve got a lot to balance, but not as much as many. The main reason for that is that I completely forgot to reproduce. I’m in awe of people who keep a sense of balance when they have kids. That balance moves around a lot and you are amazing to do what you do. Serious kudos to you!

    My days tend to be full from when I rise to when I go to sleep. During the week I ride, I work, I spend dinner time catching up with my wife. I work on volunteer projects in the evening. Friday nights are almost always a date night with my wife. Saturdays are almost always a day spent entirely doing stuff with family. Sundays are almost always devoted to a really huge ride.

    What do I give up? Watching television or movies. Relaxing with my feet up. Having a yard that looks nice. Keeping the house really clean. Having my bikes clean and in perfect working condition. Sleep. I like 8 hours per night. I generally get 6-6.5 during the week, 10 on Friday night and 7 on Saturday nights.

    Thanks for your thoughts.

    Pete

    #942755
    5555624
    Participant

    @Dirt 21957 wrote:

    The main reason for that is that I completely forgot to reproduce. I’m in awe of people who keep a sense of balance when they have kids. That balance moves around a lot and you are amazing to do what you do. Serious kudos to you!

    I didn’t forget, I (we) never had the desire.

    I sort of have things balanced. During the week, I ride, work, and get some other things done. Recently, I’ve added a morning ride mostly just for the heck of it. When thing I found, when I finally ditched my car, was that I soon gave up riding just for the heck of it, just for fun. Oh, I enjoy my commute and such, but my rides are always about getting to and from some destination. Once I was “car-free,” I was always spending time to go here or go there, I didn’t just go. (I also hate crowds, so a middle of the day ride on the weekends was not a big draw.) Lately, I’ve been heading out early on Saturdays, “just to ride.” (Well, I still have a destination, but I could I take a much longer route to get to IHOP than I do riding home.)

    What have I given up? I’m not sure. I think riding just for fun, but I’m bringing that back. Like you, keeping things (home, bikes) really clean (ad in good working order). At times, I’ve given up sleep, but I am trying to get that back.

    #942778
    vvill
    Participant

    I’m fortunate that my S.O. is supportive of my biking. She’s known me for a long time and that it’s always been a sort of therapy for me. Since I got my road bike last year and started riding regularly (as in more than just 1-3 times/week) my knees have been a lot better too so there’s a huge additional specific benefit there. (I used to wear knee braces 50-75% of the time, just for walking around even. Now it’s <10% of the time.) This forum has been great too because no one takes it too seriously, and there's an intelligent and pragmatic activist aspect - whilst still being social and fun.

    That said, I do have young kids, so I limit my non-commute riding (commuting is only 30 mins more than car per day, and faster than Metro which I took for years). I enjoy group rides a lot but weekends are also the only days where I can spend serious hours with my family, so I plan ahead to try to keep everything in balance. Participation in mass events like Crystal Ride can be organized well in advance. I do try to take my kids out on short rides, and as they get older, it will be a great to both ride and spend more time with them as well as getting them out of the house for a bit. I would happily take them by bike to the grocery store, out for ice cream, etc too but unfortunately my area is just not good for that. (Although they are “renovating” the Old Chesterbrook bridge now so it could become more viable.)

    I gave up my gym membership :D And yeah the clean/nice looking yard/house/car/bike etc. although I still mow my own lawn (a good workout) and do small stuff like replacing leaky bathroom sink faucets. I don’t watch a lot of TV or movies either, but I’ve always liked music more than either of those and I get to listen to a lot while at work. As for sleep… that was given up years ago when my son was born. I guess I spend less time playing computer games than I used to.

    I feel it’s important to keep riding fun. There have been times I’ve wondered why am I doing this (e.g. second rest stop during my first time on Kill Bill :D ) but generally I listen to my body/mind*. If I’m too tired I can go home. If I don’t want to ride a full commute even I can part commute or even… ride to Metro :( I don’t generally like riding myself to the point of exhaustion because then I won’t be able to do anything at home. But most rides are the opposite – I feel more energetic afterwards.

    * I admit having Strava/Garmin has uhm… complicated this feedback loop.

    #942787
    JimF22003
    Participant

    I’m completely unbalanced in many ways.

    I’m single, and old enough not to be putting in 70 hour weeks anymore at work. Cycling is about my main hobby or recreational activity other than reading. So basically I’m either sitting on my butt at work, or while reading, or out on my bike.

    Until two months ago, that is, when I had to have emergency abdominal surgery. I was off the bike for a month, and it was horrible. I was able to ride a bit for two weeks after that, and although I was very weak and had lost tons of fitness, at least I could ride.

    Then two weeks ago I had more complications and have been back off the bike. So I haven’t been able to ride for 6 of the last 8 weeks.

    I never knew how much cycling meant to me until I had it taken away.

    #942791
    GuyContinental
    Participant

    I’ll speak up for the be-kidded- this is a super hard topic for me in my life and definitely an on-going learning process. As of late I’ve really ramped up the riding and may be pushing the balance too far in the other direction. Last night I extended my commute by 10 miles (MVT vs Custis) and ended up causing a legitimate problem at home- dad wasn’t home to cook, dinner was late, baby got pissed, wife got mad. 30 minutes these days is literally enough to muff up equilibrium. Understand that my wife is super-duper cool (and a rider/outdoorswoman) but the fact is that my job schedule and location (7am in Sterling) automatically wrecks havoc on morning kid prep. It’s a rare day that I see the kids before heading to work when driving and when riding I’m out the door before 5:30. So, she has 100% of morning duty with 2 kids and then has to haul them downtown, do a full day as an appellate attorney and then haul them both back. If all goes well at work I get home at 5:45 hit the ground running (and sweaty) and scramble to get dinner ready and deal with bed for the older kid (still 70% of the burden on her). If things go poorly, I don’t get home until 7 and she now has 100% of kid duty. That’s not so good and definitely not so fair.

    Thing is we had the same problem when I was driving every day except I wasn’t getting “walked” and was out of shape and generally miserable. With the bike commuting I’m a much better human. What I give up is leisure riding- the Espresso ride, NCVC Hill Climbs, w/e MTB (outside of the occasional WF ride) just don’t happen. What does happen are family rides and spending saddle time with my kids in tow and as of last weekend my wife as well (after a 3 year hiatus). Frankly, I’m cool with that- I love my family and I love love riding with them. However, I also really miss mountain biking and biking with others. By planning waaay in advance I’ll swing W@W and a handful of other races this year- it’ll be enough.

    What else do I give up?
    Sleep!
    TV (don’t even have cable)
    Work performance- 4:30 comes around and I really have to go. Problem is that I’m in a visible leadership role… every now and again I have to choose and sometimes work loses.
    Volunteer time
    Cooking (I love to cook… now I reheat)

    Where will ultimate balance be found? I’d say that a shorter commute would help- car or bike a 140-200 minute daily commute sucks (but better by bike) and represents a lot of life that I’d rather be spending with my family. I’d ride less but the balance would be more equitable. Also, as a family we are looking at some ways that we can spend more time away from the city and out of doors. That might mean a cabin in WV where dad or mom can sneak off for a 1-2 hour-long fix instead of a Gambril epic that eats up 5-6 hours of a Saturday. The last approach is outsourcing- we are fortunate in this regard- but spending the cash to have some light housekeeping, lawn care and semi-prepared meals (Dinner Done) effectively frees up 5-8 hours a week for riding/family stuff. It’s worth every penny. We need to take it one step farther and start carving out “us” biking time, probably with a set babysitter during the day on weekends. We already have a date-night but not being “going out” sort of people it’s kind of wasted on us. Probably better to take the time and get beck to the things that brought us together.

    #942804
    rcannon100
    Participant

    I maintain my work / life balance by wasting as much time as I can on this forum :rolleyes:

    Here are my questions:
    1) Do you have a sense of balance with fitting cycling into your life?
    b) If so, how does it all fit in for you? What have you given up to achieve balance?
    6) If not, What can you do to adjust and make things a bit more manageable?

    It is a tremendous question.

    I have always biked but not always been a “cyclists” (I guess). I started playing Ultimate Frisbee. At Oberlin, where we had the Oberlin Mellow Invitational Tournament (OMIT), way had a team slogan: “Intensity on the Mellow Road to No Where.” I have always loved that. In time, my favorite ultimate field was pick up with veterans. We didnt keep score; we loved to play – and play well.

    Then I fell down a few years ago and it took me about 4 days to get up. When you get older, you can still do the high intensity sports – it just takes FOREVER to recover. Realizing that my body could no longer withstand the punishment of Ultimate, I gave it up.

    And I took up Geocaching. Man Geocaching is Great. Geocaching is a global treasure hunt using GPS. There is an online forum, that gives you the coordinates of the caches, along with some descriptions of why that place is important, and hints. I use to hike for hours in state parks with my dogs hunting geocaching. We would emerged having gotten lost, run out of water, scraped and torn up, mud all over – happier than hell! A completely pointless activity that is very fun – and there are LOTS of geocaches along bike paths. There is a mechanic at SPOKES Vienna that is one of the leaders of the local geocaching group.

    Well that ended because my dog is a tick magnet.

    But then an important thing happened. Those genetic replicants we have became teenagers and were able to get home themselves. I no longer had to drive to work just so I could drive home and pick them up – and they could be home alone. Freedom! Back on the bike!

    So here’s the math- the commute is
    * ~30 min by car
    * ~40 min by bike
    * ~1 hour by metro

    Driving by car also involves engaging the 8th ring of hell (the GW PArkway). It means getting to work white knuckled having had some near miss with some all important congressional hill type driving an SUV with a dont tread on me sticker on the back.

    Metro meant playing “guess that smell” and the opportunity of playing “Wheel of Misfortune” on whether the system was functioning (is that a drop of rain I see?)

    Bicycling means watching the sun rise over the potomac, or watching some cyclist rescue a turtle.

    Now add in that with car or metro, I would like to get at least an hour of exercise every other day. I use to play Ultimate with WWF during lunch. That was great.

    Now add the health benefits of cycling. I havent felt so good in maybe a decade.

    Then there is the money. Between having public transportation at the door (thank you Arlington) and my bike, we are a one car family. The yearly cost of a car is just huge – I doubt most people realize how much money they pay for a car on an annual basis (taxes, insurance, maintenance, fuel, and depreciation). That money is pretty much going into the replicants 529 plans.

    Bike commuting adds up to an extremely reasonable option.

    I only wish bicycling was more of a dog friendly activity (rebuilding a kid trailer as a dog trailer this weekend).

    To me it comes down to “Intensity on the Mellow Road to Nowhere.” I love being outdoors. I love the exercise. I love to bike. That means I look forward to Monday morning because I get to bike to work! The end of a hard day at work culminates in a bike ride up the Custis Trail. On the weekend, when the teenage replicants are sitting on their butts online, I jump on my bike and go to Shirlington and have a coffee. If I didnt have my fun, I could not do the other things nearly as well.

    Speaking of balance, time to go do whatever it is I do….

    #942805
    Dirt
    Participant

    @GuyContinental 22002 wrote:

    Understand that my wife is super-duper cool (and a rider/outdoorswoman)

    That is often a huge deal…. and I’ve got an extremely cool wife. I think there’s always a learning experience going on as things change. Understanding partners are awesome, but we need to treat them with TONS of respect and that means keeping the balance.

    When I my wife and I started dating, I was balancing full time work, grad school and a full racing schedule. In a lot of ways, that was more hectic than now. It did kinda set the tone though. It wasn’t like I was picking up something new. That would certainly complicate a relationship and cause some balance issues.

    #942810
    RESTONTODC
    Participant

    Pete,

    I’m not angry at you. I’m just jealous of you. I saw you everywhere on the trails. I see your pictures of early rides, late rides, and weekend rides. You’re a lucky man. Sure, everyone loves to have more time to ride but every family or spouse is difference. I can’t compare my family to your family.

    Where is my balance? It depends on who you ask.

    Instead of complaining about the quantity bike time, I just make the best out of my current bike time.

    Please don’t tell my spouse but my best time is when she is out of town. It didn’t get home before 11 PM every day.

    #942812
    Dirt
    Participant

    @RESTONTODC 22021 wrote:

    Pete,
    I can’t compare my family to your family.

    Instead of complaining about the quantity bike time, I just make the best out of my current bike time.

    The big thing that I gave up is having a bigger family… having kids. That puts me way outside the norm and it is something that I should have listed. To some that is a huge loss and one that they cannot fathom. For some of us it just is what it is. I have no regrets. We made choices and we live with them. That is a HUGE choice to make and one that we didn’t make lightly.

    Your emphasis on quality is a perfect thing! It makes every ride precious. :D

    #942814
    pfunkallstar
    Participant

    Here are my questions:
    1) Do you have a sense of balance with fitting cycling into your life?
    b) If so, how does it all fit in for you? What have you given up to achieve balance?
    6) If not, What can you do to adjust and make things a bit more manageable?

    1 – Cycling is an integral part of my life, but like everything else in my life, is very much organized and regulated. EVIDENCE I SAY! I’ve been doing yoga recently and the mental benefit that others get from it just isn’t there for me since I meditate everyday on my bike – the same mileage, the same path more or less (on the upside I feel like Gumby). I almost never ride on the weekends. I’ve never been motivated to go on group rides or compete – although I crush in Cat6. I’m less of a cyclist and more of a bike (cycle) commuter. My weekends are dedicated to other hobbies that I hone into perfect little polished nuggets of goodness – home brewing, gardening, building stuff.

    SIGMA! – I haven’t given much up. I never bought into the biggest time suck out there – TV. I also am a very kinetic person, so cycling just helps me bring that down a notch. I still fidget like a madman in meetings – but whatever.

    GAMMA – Holy crap is this all going to change when we have kids – but that bridge will be crossed or the adjacent river forded when I get to it. Sometimes I feel pretty drained at the end of the week from biking plus fidgeting all the time – but that is why we have sleep.

    #942818
    DismalScientist
    Participant

    I got back into biking after I had three kids. Thus, I didn’t have free time on weekends and still don’t. Thus, I mostly ride for commuting purposes. Since biking takes less time than Metro, I actually save time by biking (and would not lose any time if I were to drive instead). I am in much better shape as a result. My wife thinks I am crazy and that biking on the streets is unsafe. Because my biking only replaces other methods of commuting, there is no real question of balancing bicycling with other pursuits.

    The only thing that interferes with my family life are all these required BikeArlington happy hours.:rolleyes:

    #942845
    dasgeh
    Participant

    This may be heresy for fun, but I don’t love cycling for cycling, but cycling is my favorite way to get from point A to point B. So “balance” is easy, in that whenever I can do point A to point B on a bike, I do. “Can” gets harder with a difficult pregnancy, a toddler, moving, etc, but I seem to get on the bike (and out of the car) enough to stay sane.

    My husband is more of the “more time in saddle = better” variety. So there are some sacrifices we all make so he can ride more. He generally rides on the trainer during the week (during said toddler’s naps, or at night), and races or does a team ride most weekends. Sometimes that means less sleep or less kid time for him (though he’s a stay at home dad, so he’s not low on kid time), and/or a little more household chores or less cuddle-time with him for me, but I think the balance is pretty good. We moved last month and are still unpacking, so that has thrown a wrench in the routine, but I still commute and he still races and trains (though not as much as he likes), so it’s ok.

    #942849
    jrenaut
    Participant

    @Dirt 21957 wrote:

    1) Do you have a sense of balance with fitting cycling into your life?
    b) If so, how does it all fit in for you? What have you given up to achieve balance?
    6) If not, What can you do to adjust and make things a bit more manageable?

    I think I have a good balance, but it’s not as hard for me. I do 10 miles in a normal day. 3.5 miles X 2 commuting, 3 miles to pick up the kids from daycare/school. Doing this by car/bus/metro takes about the same amount of time, so it’s easy to balance. Most of my weekend riding is early morning or during naptime, so it’s not terribly disruptive and doesn’t leave my wife on her own with the kids too much. And then there are other errands that are just as easy on the bike. Flag football on Saturdays, for example – when you factor in parking hassle and the new CaBi station at West Potomac Park for my wife, it’s just easier to bike down (the trailer doubles as a jungle gym, too).

    I’ve given up public transportation, about 15 pounds, and reading. I only miss one of those.

    I have had to make some adjustments – I drop off the younger kid at daycare a few minutes early on Fridays so I can get to #FridayCoffeeClub (Already seen a bunch of you all there, but all the rest are welcome, too, Swings Coffee by the Old Executive Office building, Fridays 730-9ish). And I had to do my older kid’s parent-teacher conference while dripping on the floor after getting caught in the rain. But I’m in a better mood more often, and the older kid calls the stuff I bike in my “work clothes”. So it’s all worthwhile.

    #942854
    Dickie
    Participant

    Such a great topic, and some wonderful responses.

    For me balance shifts day to day and year to year as inevitable changes in life occur. Family, job, geography, illness, etc. all have played a major role in how I regulate and organize my life. My priorities change daily, but some things always seem to float to the surface. Cycling for me has come and gone and come back again a number of times in my life. As a kid it was the freedom to escape my neighborhood which led to racing and working in a bike shop. Then came my first band, girls, beer, and cycling took a back seat. Next came Grad school where cheap transportation was necessary. Riding the hills in Knoxville was good exercise until I was nearly killed by… well… I have no memory of the accident but it must have been Satan in a Bronco! I sold/trashed/donated everything and once again cycling was gone. Next came my art career, being a professor, and.. ahem…cultured life….so cycling had no chance. Then came a career change, a wife, a move to DC, and the inevitable nesting. I got a beer belly, I got unhealthy, I didn’t like the way I looked and felt, and I also discovered I had a serious congenital heart condition. My response was to bring cycling back into my life, that was 6 years ago and I haven’t looked back.

    Cycling provides so much for me on a practical level now that the impractical or gratuitous aspects are easily accommodated. Cycling saves me on gas, therapy, auto maintenance, and health bills. Cycling also makes me a happier and more confident person which in turn makes my relationships stronger. Cycling does take away time from work, but being self employed and owning my own shop allows me to be flexible with schedules. I have no kids but that will change soon so how that changes my cycling habit is yet to be determined, but I am not worried if cycling takes a back seat for a while because my history proves it will be back. Basically, fitting in cycling has not been too much of a hassle especially as it has simply replaced an unhealthy commute with a good ride, it is however becoming more difficult to harness the desire to ride more, buy more stuff, take cycling vacations, etc.

    When I read or talk to folks such as Dirt, or my buddy who rides 600 miles a week I am jealous that I don’t ride as much or as often as others, but I am also making a choice, and everyone choses differently. I figured out early that I need variety in my life. I ride every day and accumulate about 140 miles a week and that is enough for now. Instead of the additional miles and time in the saddle I opt to play Hockey, cook, play drums, or watch a movie. As long as I am busy I am happy. Although I would love to be a fitter cyclist, a better cyclist, a more dedicated cyclist, I would miss the other activities.

    However, when I hear someone complain about not having the time to ride I feel insulted, as if somehow I live a privileged life that allows me to ride. My wife once said you don’t find time you make it. I make time to ride, I get up earlier, plan better, and work harder in the day and that has made all the difference.

    – Richard

    #942860
    jrenaut
    Participant

    @rsewell19 22067 wrote:

    However, when I hear someone complain about not having the time to ride I feel insulted, as if somehow I live a privileged life that allows me to ride. My wife once said you don’t find time you make it. I make time to ride, I get up earlier, plan better, and work harder in the day and that has made all the difference.

    Was it a Nike ad – “Someone busier than you is out running right now”?

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