Learning moments

[jrenaut]

I’m sure Pete has posted a thread list this before, but it never hurts to start a new one.

Today was my first day commuting on my new bike. I think nearly all of you know that I bought the new bike because a cab u-turned in front of me on PA Ave 12/11 and my old frame ended up bent and totaled.

As I was coming home on PA Ave this afternoon, just two blocks or so before the site of the accident, a car coming the opposite direction slowed to make an illegal u-turn. Having just witnessed another car do the same a block before, and even drive in the bike lane for a bit before moving over, I was in no mood for some jerk to turn through my lane again. I gave him my typical “WTF” gesture and yelled, “No turns!” I slowed down and eventually put a foot down right in front of him, telling him again that he couldn’t turn. He rolled down his window and I told him rather breathlessly that he couldn’t turn there, $100 ticket and two points (I think that’s accurate, right?), and that someone “just like you” hit me a few weeks ago doing exactly what he was doing. I was a bit worked up, though I did manage to keep the words calmish (No profanity or anything like that).

He smiled and said, “Thank you.” Then drove off without turning (At least where I could see).

Now, maybe he was humoring me, but I choose to think that he actually took it as me giving him advice and warning him off a ticket. But I came away with that thinking that I need to tone down my initial reaction. I was a bit embarrassed by his calm response to my yelling. As I said, I was never threatening or name-calling or cursing, which is good, but I probably could have started the encounter off in a happier place.

Anyway, one could argue that we don’t owe anyone who tries to kill us much politeness, and I wouldn’t really disagree. But if the goal is safe cycling infrastructure (And that is my goal), then sometimes we have to swallow our pride, no matter how right we are, and be nice to the [EXPLETIVE DELETED][EXPLETIVE DELETED] drivers who do things that are perhaps ill-advised.

Topic

[pfunkallstar]

@JeffC 40966 wrote:

It took me several years to realize this (having little kids greatly accelerates the process) but it is ALWAYS, ALWAYS harder to deal with a difficult, stressful situation the way you have in a polite, turn the other cheek, even-keeled demeanor. The easy way out is to scream, shout call the other person a bad name and stomp like an ape. That is the evolutionary path of least resistance like the apes dancing to the obelisk in the opening scene of “2001 A Space Odyssey.” That is not being tough though, it is the easy way out.

The extremely hard path is to take a deep breath, smile and say a reasoned, tactful response in a polite way, try a faux British accent (there is a setting for that on my wife’s Garmin or think John Cleese answering Kevin Kline about Americans in “Fish Called Wanda”).

Having two little kids that push my buttons at least once a week helps one’s patience. In a way the state of mind of a small child is probably (sadly) not that different from a stressed driver in DC–I know I have been a stressed driver in DC sometimes as well.

Keep up the good work and remember the faux British accent.

Ah small children v. stressed drivers – I think you may be on to something here, similarities abound, except for the bed wetting – well maybe that too.

[dasgeh]

Having small children actually makes me more understanding of others, I think. For one, I’m sleep deprived and do things I wouldn’t otherwise because I’m sleep deprived (*not behind the wheel, mind you, but still). I try to remember in dealing with others that they may have a totally legitimate reason for a momentary lack in judgment or ignorance of the rules, and I’m just trying to be helpful in pointing it out.

I had a second point, but my sleep deprivation ate it….

[Author]

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