I Swear I’m Not An Old Pervert, Honest

[acc]

Last June, the muscles in my neck and shoulder next to my spine were driving me crazy. I don’t mind staying up late at night, but not when pain is involved. I planned to grit my teeth and take handfuls of ibuprofen until it passed but I found myself hesitating to turn my head when I was on my bike.

Now, my basic philosophy about riding is to stay alive. Not turning my head was incompatible with this philosophy. And being dead would cut into my recreational pursuits.

So I tried massage.
Don’t laugh.
There was nothing fun about it.

The first few sessions were a contest of my will not to scream. My massage therapist was incredulous, “What did you do to yourself?” I told him if I went into that we’d be there for the rest of the afternoon.

But it’s helped. Yesterday he said to me, “See, I did not hurt you today. Your neck is better.”

So here are the facts. It’s not fun. It has nothing to do with sex. It takes time, one session won’t cure you. But I’ve regained the flexibility in my neck, my shoulders don’t hurt and I’ll probably manage to keep myself alive at least a few more months on the bike.

The only bad thing? My massage therapist’s final words to me: “Next time I work on your hip.” Oh Lord.

Topic

[dasgeh]

The whole “massages are creepy and sexual” tone strikes me as very adolescent. Really? Are you all guys? Literally, all of my women friends are completely comfortable getting massages — some just don’t like them, but they’re not creeped out by anyone else getting them. Many get monthly massages just as part of the “maintenance” routine (kinda like mani-pedis). I’d say more of my guy friends don’t like them, but few actually think there’s anything creepy about them. Do I just have a skewed group of friends? In NYC, lots of guys and gals had regular massages, nothing creepy.

@Terpfan 27286 wrote:

You have never had a massage until you go to a Turkish bath house (and no, they’re not sexual contrary to some pop culture)–however that’s also like the deepest cleaning possible of your skin to a level you didn’t think was possible.

I’ve only been to Turkish baths in Europe. They’re AMAZING. Are there any good ones around here?

[Certifried]

[Soapbox]

Drugs. I think some of you have seen my profile page where I list my MRI findings. Things have gotten slowly worse over the years, and continue to do so. I use a variety of methods, or “tools” in my toolbox, to attack the chronic pain and try to manage it. It’s not always easy. Then comes along the policy makers who are trying to take away one of the most effective tools in my arsenal. There are times when everything else has failed; radio frequency nerve ablation (RFA, destruction of nerves), exercise, stretching, physical therapy, cortisone shots, etc, and the only thing left that actually is about 100% is the miracle of pharmacology. I’ve been on every hydro/oxy-codone/morphone possible, all kinds of nerve pain drugs (fibromyalgia type things, despite not having fibromyalgia), all the way up to fentanyl patches (usually reserved for cancer patients). I can honestly say that if I couldn’t get that ultimate relief from the pain through drugs as a last ditch effort, I’d hang myself.

[/soapbox]

sorry, just have seen so much action against drugs lately and I can’t understand why people are trying to take away what legitimately is a life saving med for so many people. I get that there is a lot of abuse out there, but not all of us drug users are drug addicts. By the way, currently drug free because of my cycling and RFA procedures.

[acc]

Absolutely correct. If I didn’t have medications my asthma would be bad enough that I couldn’t get on a bike or run.

Take what you need to function and live a meaningful life. Period.

[Dirt]

I’d just like to add that if you ARE an old pervert, it is possible to get a benefit from a therapeutic and completely non-sexual massage. It is good to compartmentalize your life.

[Certifried]

@Dirt 27497 wrote:

…. completely non-sexual massage …..

Mr. Madison, what you’ve just said is one of the most insanely idiotic things I have ever heard. At no point in your rambling, incoherent response were you even close to anything that could be considered a rational thought. Everyone in this room is now dumber for having listened to it. I award you no points, and may God have mercy on your soul.

[Author]

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