How to be as tough as Crickey7

[wheelswings]

“….They show this unhappiness by honking their horn…..
It does not work on me.”
(quoting Crickey7 on the Social-norms-v-legality thread)

Okay, so here’s something I could use help on. How to “let it all slide off” when drivers honk or when people make rude comments, as happened to me last week and again last night. I know we all deal with these sorts of hostile encounters (Missed Connections….). I wish I had thicker skin so that these interactions did not burn so much.

Do people have any techniques so that the aggressive encounters don’t wreck the rest of the ride?

Topic

[KLizotte]

On the few occasions I’ve encountered seriously bad attitudes from drivers (not just idiotic driver behavior) I always calm myself down by reminding myself of all the times drivers and pedestrians have gone out of their way to be courteous and kind when I’ve been out biking (as well as all of the good folks on this forum). Just remembering that the good people greatly outweigh the bad ones gets me back into a good mood.

Focus on the positive!

[dasgeh]

@DrP 128126 wrote:

Also, composing what I might put in a “Missed Connection” post helps turn it around too.

Am I the only one who composes angry letters in my head to electeds/County staff about the infrastructure needs to be fixed or enforcement needs to be stepped up?

[komorebi]

@DrP 128126 wrote:

Also, composing what I might put in a “Missed Connection” post helps turn it around too.

I do this, too.

Also, when someone yells something unintelligible at me from a car, I amuse myself by thinking of random phrases that would fit the syllable pattern. For example, a few weeks ago, someone yelled, “Don’t [something] [something] [“aw”-sound].” Don’t break the law? Don’t jump the wall? Don’t fear the claw? Don’t knit that shawl?

[BTC_DC]

My first response is usually to shift further left in the lane. Do not give an aggressive driver the chance to try and squeeze through.

[wheelswings]

Thanks for the creative strategies… everything from unexpected greetings to filming to imaginary blemishes on their cars and teeth. Perhaps I should start carrying eggs. And learning Italian.

I guess really there are several aspects to parse out, including
-how to react (or not) outwardly, from nothing at all, to birdies, to the full range of verbal communications…
-how to truly not care. I have a lot to learn from vicegrip and others.
-or, failing that, how to return more quickly to the uplifting and peaceful exhilaration of the bike ride. Sometimes I’ve given the honkers a good mile of my ride before I’m able to free my brain for better things (thankfully my commutes are on the long side). Sometimes it helps to sing, e.g. last night it was John Lennon’s Imagine (best stay away ) or – like Klizotte – I think about the kind-hearted pedestrians and drivers who far outnumber the jerks. Or I focus on ideas for a project and write things in my head. I agree that our Missed Connections thread can be very therapeutic, both to compose and to read, as we’re all in this boat (bike) together.

Thanks for the helpful and funny replies. w&w

[Sunyata]

For me, the honkers get a wave and a “that was silly” thought before I go about my biking bliss.

The truly aggressive people often get ignored, because I truly do not want to engage in any aggressive nonsense that could end up hurting me in the end, since I am the more vulnerable person. This is hard for me to do, because I often want to blow up in their face and tell them how stupid they are.

There have been a couple of times that I have caught up to an aggressive driver at a light and have pulled next to their window and smiled and waved. This always seems to catch them off guard. If they roll down the window, I often try to say something nice like “I hope your day gets better” or “have a great morning” (why is it aggressive drivers are almost always in the morning?). A few times, I have tried to give polite information, such as the three foot law, or the right I have to take the lane. But those times often end in the driver getting defensive, which does no one any good.

I need to work on my “zen biking” more. The honkers usually do not get to me, but the aggressive people can often ruin my entire ride or at least a large majority of it. It really bothers me that people can be so thoughtless, careless, and harmful to other people.

[Drewdane]

When I’m really angry about something someone has said or done to me when I’m riding, I convert that anger/adrenaline to extra power transfer to the pedals. While that doesn’t prevent the occasional hearty “Eff Off” in their direction, at least I get something useful out of the transaction.

[Terpfan]

@Crickey7 128105 wrote:

It sounds kind of flip to respond by saying I turn around and point to the red blinking camera on my helmet and tell them they are being filmed. The thing is, it not only gets them to stop (as long as they can see it), it’s made me behave better. I’ve watched myself in a few videos where I was “right” and told drivers so (and a little more to boot), and I found I did not like watching how I handled it. Less is more.

You’re better about reviewing your own actions, but this is my approach as well. I will point to the camera. Only once has someone continued going off and I just moved away from the drive and ignored him. Had he not continued moving forward after a few seconds, I would have called the police. And that’s only because of my crazy experience with the rap sheet guy four or five years ago on 15th Cycletrack. Better safe, than sorry.

[GovernorSilver]

I have accepted that I will never be as tough as Crickey7.

About the time I started bike commuting, someone described commuting as an “extreme sport”. Lots of organized sports have rules and infractions – in that sense, bike commuting has them. Close passes, sudden u-turns in front me, etc. kind of feel like a basketball player must feel when fouled on the court – taking hits from elbows and knees, goal tending, etc. Or American football where players take hits all the time, some legal, some obviously illegal, and some illegal but cleverly hidden (eg. punching/kneeing/elbowing inside a pile). Of course that analogy has limitations in that a “hard foul” from a car is going to hurt a lot more than some random elbow to the ribs.

Anyway, some players get visibly enraged and other just shake them off like a dog shakes off water, and keep shooting baskets.

[Author]

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