!! C a l v i n b a l l !!
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Calvinball, the only true Freezing Saddles game, where the rules are constantly made up and the points don’t matter.
I am Tim the Enchanter, keeper of the score, final arbiter of the rules.
Your quest is to seek thee the gameball, hidden secretly amongst the cycling trails inside the beltway (but not to be found in any federal park).
Seek the game ball. Maketh up a new ordinance for the game. Hide the sacred ball. Post your new ordinance along with guidance on how those who follow can seek the gameball. Thou shall find, hide and post within the same hours 24.
For finding the gameball, ye shall be awarded 5 points, less a point for each day that passeth before the gameball is once again uncovered.
Ye may find the gameball but once during each orbit of the sun.* Ye may possess the gameball but once every other turn.
If your new ordinance nets three likes, ye shall likewise be award points equaling five and your ordinance shall be implemented as law of the game, which all who play must loyally adhere.
This be not organized competition. This be Calvinball. New rules are obliged to follow the spirit of Saint Calvin and Saint Hobbes. New ordinances shall not thee be bills of attainder but must generally apply to all fools of venture into our midst. New ordinances cannot benefit the ordinance’s scribe uniquely. New ordinances should make the court jester smile upon thee, and shall not place any in existential peril.
If a new ordinance shall contravene an old ordinance, the ordinance with highest net likes shall be declared the law.
Those who play shall seek their reward as follows:
• Rosalyn Award :: The player with the ordinance that has acquired the most net likes at the time of the next find
• Miss Wormwood Award :: The player with the most implemented ordinances
• Spaceman Spiff Award :: Best Calvinball
• Calvin Award :: Tim’s Award of Mystery (oooooooooohhh)
• Hobbes Award :: The Hobbes Prize is to be awarded to the person whom played but scored the least amount of points.
• Susie Award :: Most swag points
• Lost Dog Rescue Award :: Best picture of your dog** Consider Thee Calvinball a Hot-potatoe game – not a hide-and-seek game. This be not geocaching. More, we wish the Calvinball attain perpetual motion, constantly moving, from pilgrim to pilgrim. (Translation: dont make your hides hard or your rules constraining. The more silliness the better)
** NOTE This is not a winner take all game. “The points dont matter“[IMG]https://foreignpolicymag.files.wordpress.com/2012/06/87978-calvinball.jpg?w=306&h=313[/IMG]
* The Sun orbits around the earth. Only heretics would suggest otherwise. We burn heretics. Well, only if they weigh the same as a duck.
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Since the evil KW stole the Calvinball…right under my nose…I felt compelled and I left cookies behind in the exact spot just for you Tim…
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Fireball acquired!!! With help from Tim’s favorite, CBGanimal. But fear not Tim, The Animal has left you an offering where once the Fireball lay. I send you good tidings and beg your mercy on me, your most humble servant.
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Notice of Proposed Ordinance:
Tim: I warned you, but did you listen to me? Oh, no, you knew it all, didn’t you? Oh, it’s just a harmless little bunny, isn’t it? Well, it’s always the same. I always tell them– Do they listen to me? Oh, no…
The knight who would slay the creature so foul, so cruel that no man yet has fought with it and lived – Bones of full fifty men lie strewn about its lair – So, brave knights, if you do doubt your courage or your strength, come no further, for death awaits you all with nasty, big, pointy teeth – shall be awarded 5 points!
Translation: include chocolate bunnies in the Calvinball as your swag… get 5 additional swag points
The Calvinball/Fireball is now safely ensconced in its new resting place, eagerly waiting for discovery by one of the merry band of idiots. The treasure lay in the Yard o’ Potowmack where the iron horse of yore ere ruled in glorious splendor, steeped in coal, steam, and diesel dust.
Behind a fence, your treasure awaits…
Near to where Nat King Cole found love beside the bay…
And watched over by the founder of the Sisters of Charity, whose university lives on to this day…
To the finder go the spoils, an array sure to warm the heart, body, and soul.
Almighty Tim the Enchanter, your humble servant is too modest to brag what points should be afforded to this plebian serf. I trust in your omnipotent, omniscient, and omnipresent wisdom to fairly appropriate such remuneration.
Should it please the court, my summation of the events thereto pertaining:
Consumption of swag on site.
Delightful dancing upon discovery.
Redeployment within 12 hours of discovery.
Transport across District/County/City borders.Additionally, I shared consumable swag with Tim’s chosen one, CBGanimal. I also provided the vessel housing the offering CBGanimal left for you.
At your mercy, I await your adjudication my liege.
Your faithful servant,
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