!! C a l v i n b a l l !!

[rcannon100]

Calvinball, the only true Freezing Saddles game, where the rules are constantly made up and the points don’t matter.

I am Tim the Enchanter, keeper of the score, final arbiter of the rules.

Your quest is to seek thee the gameball, hidden secretly amongst the cycling trails inside the beltway (but not to be found in any federal park).

Seek the game ball. Maketh up a new ordinance for the game. Hide the sacred ball. Post your new ordinance along with guidance on how those who follow can seek the gameball. Thou shall find, hide and post within the same hours 24.

For finding the gameball, ye shall be awarded 5 points, less a point for each day that passeth before the gameball is once again uncovered.

Ye may find the gameball but once during each orbit of the sun.* Ye may possess the gameball but once every other turn.

If your new ordinance nets three likes, ye shall likewise be award points equaling five and your ordinance shall be implemented as law of the game, which all who play must loyally adhere.

This be not organized competition. This be Calvinball. New rules are obliged to follow the spirit of Saint Calvin and Saint Hobbes. New ordinances shall not thee be bills of attainder but must generally apply to all fools of venture into our midst. New ordinances cannot benefit the ordinance’s scribe uniquely. New ordinances should make the court jester smile upon thee, and shall not place any in existential peril.

If a new ordinance shall contravene an old ordinance, the ordinance with highest net likes shall be declared the law.

Those who play shall seek their reward as follows:
• Rosalyn Award :: The player with the ordinance that has acquired the most net likes at the time of the next find
• Miss Wormwood Award :: The player with the most implemented ordinances
• Spaceman Spiff Award :: Best Calvinball
• Calvin Award :: Tim’s Award of Mystery (oooooooooohhh)
• Hobbes Award :: The Hobbes Prize is to be awarded to the person whom played but scored the least amount of points.
• Susie Award :: Most swag points
• Lost Dog Rescue Award :: Best picture of your dog

** Consider Thee Calvinball a Hot-potatoe game – not a hide-and-seek game. This be not geocaching. More, we wish the Calvinball attain perpetual motion, constantly moving, from pilgrim to pilgrim. (Translation: dont make your hides hard or your rules constraining. The more silliness the better)
** NOTE This is not a winner take all game. “The points dont matter“

[IMG]https://foreignpolicymag.files.wordpress.com/2012/06/87978-calvinball.jpg?w=306&h=313[/IMG]

* The Sun orbits around the earth. Only heretics would suggest otherwise. We burn heretics. Well, only if they weigh the same as a duck.

Topic

[rcannon100]

Look, I’m a busy man. I dont have time for chasing down lost Calvinballs or whatever they are called now. (what is it with you humans renaming everything. You dont see us wizards getting all complicated – Just call me “Tim” – that’s good enough). I have to do cameos in other movies to pay for all the magic pixie dust

Anyway, where are the Calvinballs?? It’s the weekend! The pilgrims are supposed to be out chasing hidden Makers Mark – not sitting on their couches watching these pretentious “all-star” games. Honestly, do the athletes even remotely look like they are trying?

Anyway, let’s get this game going. This is a hot-potato game – not so much a hide and seek game. If you hold onto a hot potato too long it buuuuurns you. And then that’s no good cause you have to go to one of those doctor-in-a-box things, and you never know how good their magic is. I mean, arent those the guys who basically flunked out of med school.

Anyway, from hence forth – the find score shall be ridiculously inflated to 10 points, 2 points will be deducted for every orbit of the sun around the earth that passes before it is found again – with the clock starting now when you found the Calvinball. So if the Calvinball sits on your desk while you admire its greatness, your losing your points.

So Stranger Things is just a remake of the X-files, only it involves nerdy kids on bicycles??

[streetsmarts]

Skip a bit, brother…. BWAHHHHAAAHHAA

I need to watch some Pythonage again

[rcannon100]

@josh 173529 wrote:

Forgive me Tim for I have sinned.

What WHAT??? You make a Jonathan Edwards reference and you are NOT going to come up with more dogma??? COME ON! You cant get away with that. As Luther said, “If you are going to sin, sin boldly.” You have released the beast – – – so let’s hear your best fire and brimstone!!

[josh]

@rcannon100 173543 wrote:

What WHAT??? You make a Jonathan Edwards reference and you are NOT going to come up with more dogma??? COME ON! You cant get away with that. As Luther said, “If you are going to sin, sin boldly.” You have released the beast – – – so let’s hear your best fire and brimstone!!

Damn it, I didn’t want to come up with an ordinance. Here’s my proposal:

If you tag your Calvinball retrieval ride with #calvinball on Strava, then you will receive floor(n/2) bonus points where n is the length in miles of the ride (rounded down).

Include this info in your post here for scoring purposes as well.

[streetsmarts]

@rcannon100 173543 wrote:

What WHAT??? You make a Jonathan Edwards reference and you are NOT going to come up with more dogma??? COME ON! You cant get away with that. As Luther said, “If you are going to sin, sin boldly.” You have released the beast – – – so let’s hear your best fire and brimstone!!

I had to look up Jonathan Edwards (theologian I presume ). Wikipedia says he said :

“The way to Heaven is ascending; we must be content to travel uphill, though it be hard and tiresome, and contrary to the natural bias of our flesh.”

Does that mean he would have offered the climbing pointless prize if he were alive today??

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[rcannon100]

[Steve O]

@rcannon100 173528 wrote:

Placing the Phoenixball in your own apartment or whereever does not constitute crossing a realm’s borders – dilly dilly

FYI – nary that Tim the Embalmer wilt careth, but it did crosseth from Arlington to Falls Churche Citie.

[rcannon100]

@Steve O 173604 wrote:

FYI – nary that Tim the Embalmer wilt careth, but it did crosseth from Arlington to Falls Churche Citie.

Sooooooo it was your apartment then???? You confess to the Inquisition of treachery and foulness so…. er…. foul… that it’s….. treacherous???? Do you???? And is CBGanimal still imprisoned in your castle, unable to hide the Phoenixball?

(Spreadsheet of mysterious scores revised – but pilgrims should informeth Tim of what points they are under the delusion of claiming)

[CBGanimal]

The Phoenix ball is now hidden
Go to the very end of Judd’s hamster loop
High in a tree holding on to tree goop
The cookies are for Tim if he feels he can dip in
And yes I took it apart during my sequester at Steve O”s

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[CBGanimal]

Proposed ordinance: Tim the Enchanted gets the cookies!

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[streetsmarts]

@ShawnoftheDread 170296 wrote:

An “orbit of the sun”? Is this a very long game, or did the rule maker mean a rotation of the Earth?

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I may or may not have a Calvin ball and now I’m having to read this whole thread to edumicate myself on these rules. Love these comments

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[SarahBee]

Phoenixball acquired!

Tim, the cookies were delicious!

[rcannon100]

Where did you snag it from? DC Marker 6?

[rcannon100]

@SarahBee 173643 wrote:

Tim, the cookies were delicious!

All right, Sarahbee. you get your Calvinball. But let those ill-gotten cookies be forever on your head!

[Steve O]

@josh 173529 wrote:

Forgive me Tim for I have sinned. I have neglected to hide the Calvinball for many days, but now the deed is done. How shall a simple pilgrim be forgiven?

Clue:
Boundary stone Northwest
The product of two and three
In the dense thicket

There’s a consumable so consider consuming on premises. Also, the ball has moved from Virginia to Maryland (albeit very close to DC). As the beginning of my penance, I will not include a proposed ordinance, for I am not worthy.

I’ve been searching the dense Thicket for 20 minutes, and I’ve had no luck.

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[Author]

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