The Onion Understands Door-Zone Bike Lanes

They really do:

https://www.theonion.com/l-a-adds-lanes-for-cyclists-to-recover-from-getting-hi-1830940259

““Countless accidents occur every day because of our poor cycling infrastructure, reckless motorists, and many other factors within our control, but luckily Central L.A. will soon have miles of road fully dedicated to letting riders regain consciousness from these collisions.'”